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intelligent man. I had taught him to shoot withRochester s pistols and he
was, I was delighted to find out, an excellent shot. I had thought that Hades
might make an appearance with one of the guests but, apart from the arrival of
Mr. Mason from theWest Indies , nothing out of the ordinary occurred.
The weeks turned into months and I saw little of Jane on purpose, of course
but kept in contact with the household and Mr. Rochester to make sure that
all was going well. And it appeared that allwas going well. As usual, Mr.
Mason was bitten by his mad sister in the upper room; I was standing outside
the locked door whenRochester went for the doctor and Jane tended to Mason s
wounds. When the doctor arrived I kept watch in the arbor outside, where I
knew Jane andRochester would meet. And so it went on until a brief respite
when Jane went away to visit her dying aunt inGateshead .Rochester had decided
to marry Blanche Ingram by this time and things had been slightly tense
between him and Jane. I felt some relief that she was away; I could relax and
talk toRochester quite easily without Jane suspecting anything.
You aren t sleeping, observedRochester as we walked together on the front
lawn. Look how your eyes are dark-rimmed and languorous.
I don t sleep well here, not while Hades is barely five miles distant.
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Your spies, surely, would alert you to any movement of his?
It was true; the network worked well, although not without some considerable
expenditure onRochester s part. If Hades set off anywhere I knew about it
within two minutes from a rider who stood by for just such an occasion. It was
in this manner that I was able to find him when he was out, either walking or
reading or beating peasants with his stick. He had never come within a mile of
the house, and I was happy to keep it that way.
My spies afford me peace of mind, but I still can t believe that Hades could
be so passive. It chills and worries me.
We walked on for a while,Rochester pointing out places of interest to me
around the grounds. But I was not listening.
How did you come to me, that night outside the warehouse, when I was shot?
Rochesterstopped and looked at me.
It justhappened , Miss Next. I can t explain it anymore than you can explain
arriving here when you were a little girl. Apart from Mrs. Nakijima and a
traveler named Foyle, I don t know of anyone else who has done it.
I was surprised at this.
You have met Mrs. Nakijima, then?
Of course. I usually do tours of Thornfield for her guests when Jane is up
atGateshead . It carries no risk and is extremely lucrative. Country houses
are not cheap to run, Miss Next, even in this century.
I allowed myself a smile. I thought that Mrs. Nakijima must be making a very
sizeable profit; it was, after all, the ultimate trip for a Brontë fan, and
there were plenty of those inJapan .
What will you do after this? askedRochester , pointing out a rabbit to
Pilot, who barked and ran off.
Back to Spec-Ops work, I guess, I replied. What about you?
Rochesterlooked at me broodingly, his eyebrows furrowed and a look of anger
rising across his features.
There is nothing for me after Jane leaves with that slimy and pathetic
excuse for a vertebrate, St. John Rivers.
So what will you do?
Do? I won tdo anything. Existence pretty much ceases for me about then.
Death?
Not as such, repliedRochester , choosing his words carefully. Where you
come from you are born, you live and then you die. Am I correct?
More or less.
A pretty poor way of living, I should imagine! laughedRochester . And you
rely upon that inward eye we call a memory to sustain yourself in times of
depression, I suppose?
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Most of the time, I replied, although memory is but one hundredth of the
strength of currently felt emotions.
I concur. Here, I neither am born, nor die. I come into being at the age of
thirty-eight and wink out again soon after, having fallen in love for the
first time in my life and then lost the object of my adoration, my
being! . . .
He stopped and picked up the stick that Pilot had considerately brought him
in place of the rabbit he couldn t catch.
You see, I can move myself to anywhere in the book I wish at a moment s
notice and back again at will; the greatest parts of my life lie between the
time I profess my true love to that fine, impish girl and the moment the
lawyer and that fool Mason turn up to spoil my wedding and reveal the madwoman
in the attic. Those are the weeks to which I return most often, but I go to
the bad times too for without a yardstick sometimes the high points can be
taken for granted. Sometimes I muse that I might have John stop them at the
church gate and stall them until the wedding is over, but it is against the
way of things.
So while I am talking to you here
I am also meeting Jane for the first time, wooing her, then losing her
forever. I can even see you now, as a small child, your expression of fear
under the hooves of my horse
He felt his elbow.
And feel the pain of the fall, too. So you see, my existence, although
limited, is not without benefits.
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