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is that killing cannot help. Vengeance cannot help
.
She stared at them in speechless bewilderment.
There was so much they did not know
, the starstream-being whispered.
Listen, even now
.
Ali Maksam/New s eyes glittered.
Feel their confusion
.
She could scarcely breathe. Wait I don t And then she did. She felt
Ali Maksam/New touch her mind in a gentle, Logothian way, teasing her
thoughts and her presence outward.
And then the starstream-being seemed to fade into the background, as
she saw winged, shadowy beings flitting in the storm clouds, groaning and
murmuring like thunder. It was an oppressive sound, a rumbling
jabberjabberjabber
, quaking with waves of consternation. It hit her suddenly, as if being
piped to her in a sim, just how bewildered and dismayed the Throgs were. They
had not expected to find her the person she was.
Yes, yes sorry! she heard someone whisper. That, and more! I see now!
She didn t know who that was, speaking, but she felt clearly the Throgs
confusion. They understood now that not she but someone else had let them
go. (Let them go? she wondered dimly. Had someone had them captured?)
The captain yes! whispered that other voice excitedly. Thank you,
now I see! The captain had them, but let them go for Claudi s sake! They
see it now they see it! But do they know what it means?
Claudi turned her head and finally saw who was speaking. It was the Im kek,
visible against the flashing storm clouds. He looked like a surroundie of an
ancient god in battle, except for his ridiculous grin. Don t you see?
Don t you? he cried.
No! she wailed. I don t!
They spared you because the captain spared them! He astonished them!
I don t think they knew he was there
!
Claudi shook her head, focusing determinedly on the Im kek, as if he were the
only one left in the universe who could make this clear to her. The
captain had let them go instead of killing them! Why? Why? Why?
He wanted to kill them yes, I m sure he did! But he cared more about you!
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Yes, yes! And they thought it was you who let them go, but New helped
them see it was someone else, someone who cared
, someone who risked
it s how they knew
What? she whispered.
That we were alive
! All of us! That we were conscious
! Didn t know before couldn t see!
Even me and the Im kek s voice went sharp with pain. Aiee, how it hurt!
Aaaieee! Sorry
!
They could almost felk, but couldn t quite but you, they felk d something
different in you, they felk d your aliveness
Claudi squeezed her eyes shut. What was he saying?
How could they not know we were alive
? she screamed.
How could they not know
?
Against the lightning, the Im kek s grin twisted grotesquely. Not
sure! Not sure! They couldn t really see! N-space! They live, they shift it
all around it s how they move and attack
by disrupting the n-spatial He gulped for breath. It s natural
to them! But we were unnatural, and new to n-space. New, yes! Were they
trying to stop, to remove & a plague, a disruption, not sure! But they
didn t quite couldn t see so many n-spaces
sorry
!
Claudi s head was bursting full of hurt and fear and alarm and there was no
room left for
understanding.
They disrupt change things but not seeing
Wait a minute
what happens isn t known to
Wait
! she shouted.
The Im kek looked frantic. Yes? Sorry! Yes?
Claudi cried out in despair. How do you know all this? And why are we still
here?
It s through the New one, the starstream-one! When n-space changes, I can
felk so much more! I understand now. Even the New one wasn t sure until now!
She listened with her eyes closed, trying to make it be real.
And they didn t all believe the Throgs! sorry! even after they saw! They re
not all the same, didn t all believe. There s so much yet I can t
felk so much that s strange sorry!
Sorry!
Would you stop saying that? Claudi cried.
Sorry! What?
Sorry
! Stop saying you re sorry
!
The Im kek gasped. Sorry! Sorry! It s just that
Stop it! she wailed. Just tell me, what do they want with us? Why don t
they let us go?
Not sure now! Not sure! New, help
! The Im kek gulped for breath and gazed, wild-eyed, into space. The thunder
and lightning were building, flashing, booming. The Im kek squeezed his eyes
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closed.
New? Help
?
The sinuous Ali Maksam/New weaved against the thunderclouds. Claudi
felt the frantic rumble of Throg-thought again, and it was like drums and
cymbals in her head. She felt her mind-presence dancing somewhere in the
clouds, out of control, not knowing quite what she was doing or saying to
them.
She heard the Im kek, Roti, saying, Yes, perhaps. He turned to
Claudi. Not sure, not sure.
Forgive them
, maybe. They know now what they ve done.
No! Claudi shouted. They could go ahead and kill her if they wanted, but she
could never forgive them. What about Suze? she shouted. And
Scer-Randall?
They didn t do anything wrong
! And in that instant she imagined she saw a faint tracing of
Scer-Randall s outline against the clouds.
That s the point, don t you see? If it hadn t happened, there d be nothing to
forgive! Sorry!
It s hard
hard
but New thinks it s what has to be!
Claudi was sick with sorrow and anger and frustration. Why me? I can t do
that! I can t!
I m not God!
Nor I! Nor I! Roti barked, as around him, Throg-shadows shifted in and out
of the clouds, moaning. But they saw something in you in me but only when
it was just right sorry, the n-space! And with the starstream-one,
guiding.
Claudi stared at him, riveted by his words, but unable to accept them.
Don t you see?
But they hurt us! she cried.
Yes! Yes! Terrible!
Terrible
! The Im kek s voice cracked. But he kept on, urgently. But they
want I don t know what they want! Not sure, not sure! But they re
waiting you sent
Sheki and then the captain let them and you didn t have to, either of you! And
now they re confused and &
sorry
. So sorry!
She stared at the Im kek in disbelief.
She heard another voice then, a harsher voice. Was it the
assassin/New s?
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