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happy.
All too soon, Toni released her. But Noel didn t move away.
She looked into Toni s eyes and said, I wish things hadn t gotten
so&
Me too. I wish I hadn t been so busy this summer. But I ve got
to take some jobs being a site supervisor or a general if I want to
build a clientele.
Don t worry about that. You ve got to work. I m just sorry we
didn t spend more time together& standing up.
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Toni s smile was gentle and warm. You ve only got yourself to
blame for that. I have all these things I want to talk to you about,
but when you re standing this close to me it s almost impossible
not to start kissing you. And when I start kissing you, it s almost
impossible not to& She playfully looked towards the bedroom,
twitching an eyebrow.
I guess there are worse problems. I m never going to wish I had
less sexual chemistry with someone. But sometimes, with you&
Whew!
I know, Toni said, her handsome face reflecting her puzzlement.
I ve never had this kind of sexual chemistry with a woman. It
knocks me off my feet.
Noel was drawn to put her arms around Toni and hug her tightly.
I love to knock you off your feet. She kissed her tenderly, feeling
the warm softness of her lips. Sometimes you look like you re not
even sure of your name.
I m not! You ve got me completely mesmerized. That s why I
wish I hadn t been working so much. If we could have met for
dinner more often, it would have given us a couple of hours where
we had to behave.
Noel looked away, not wanting to bring up the sore subject they d
already discussed. But Toni obviously didn t want to let it drop. I m
very, very sorry that I didn t ask you how you felt about people in
town knowing we were seeing each other. I just assumed& She
shook her head. I thought I knew what you were thinking.
Noel took her by the hand and led her over to the sofa, sitting
next to her instead of on her lap, which always led to an express trip
to the bedroom. Do you want to know what I was thinking?
Very much.
Taking a big, deep breath, Noel said, Okay. Here goes. At
first, I was mostly interested in having sex. It d been almost a
year, and it felt fantastic to have someone I was so attracted to
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find me attractive. But after a few times together I started to feel
like I was only someone you had sex with. I started to feel a little
objectified.
Oh, Noel. Toni looked like she wanted to cry. Why didn t you
say something? I was feeling the same way. Well, not objectified,
but I started wishing that you wanted to hang out with me. But you
didn t show any real interest.
How can you say that? If you just looked in my direction, I
came like a well-trained dog.
Toni stared at her clasped hands. It was clear she was struggling
with what she wanted to say, and Noel waited patiently, giving her
the time she needed. It s true that you were always ready to get
together. But, like I told you the other day, you never reciprocated.
You never asked me out.
I know, but
Holding up her hand, Toni continued, That s not the bad part.
The part that hurt was that you never asked me any questions about
me. At first, I thought you were self-involved. It didn t bother me
too much, since you certainly weren t that way when we were having
sex. She laughed, her eyes taking on the sexy tease that Noel was
ridiculously attracted to. But over time, I realized you weren t
self-involved. There s a lot of give-and-take when you re talking to
Heidi or Jackie or Roxy. And Gloria told me how much she liked
you and how interested you were in finding out about Max. So I
started to think you just weren t interested in me as anything other
than a bed partner. I thought you didn t find me interesting enough
to get to know.
Noel put her hands on Toni s shoulders, squeezing them.
Nothing, nothing could be further from the truth. I was sure you
wanted to keep things very topical, so that s what I did. I kept
trying not to let myself get too attached to you, since you made it
so clear you didn t want to be in a relationship.
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Susan X Meagher
I did, Toni said, dropping her head. But I was just protecting
myself. She looked up and let Noel see the deep sadness in her
dark eyes. I should ve taken more risks. She put her arm around
Noel s shoulders and let their heads rest against one another. You
haven t changed your mind about taking a risk, have you?
Which risk is that?
A really simple one. You give up a job you love and leave your
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