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Ben could see the sadness behind Mitch s smile and it touched him deeply. And then?
Mitch seemed to struggle for a moment then went on. Jamie discovered other men. He wanted to be a free spirit and taste what life
had to offer without being tied down. It started slowly. He d go to a club on the weekends and urge me to go with him but I couldn t. I& don t
do alcohol. I ll tell you why in a minute. The whole club scene just wasn t for me, but Jamie got deeper and deeper into it. When he started
bringing guys home, that was the end. I couldn t watch the person I loved giving himself to other guys. We called it quits and went our
separate ways. On the day I met you?
Ben nodded.
I d just gotten word from a mutual friend that Jamie was getting married.
Oh jeez.
Exactly. Even though I haven t seen him in years, that relationship had such an impact on me.
Is that why you were so adamant about telling me you wouldn t be interested in a gay man?
Yeah. Jamie was the only person I ever felt that strongly about. No one else, woman or man, has even come close to that. Until you. It
scared me. My first impulse was to push you away.
I d say that was a natural reaction considering what happened with your lover.
Yeah. And it seems you ve got the same excuse.
Remembering what he d confessed a few moments ago, Ben slowly nodded. His name was Mike. We dated for six months, moved in
together, and shared a place for three years. I loved him. I thought he loved me until& hmm, I guess he was like Jamie. Wanted to be free.
Wanted other guys. I didn t, so we split up.
How long ago?
About a year now.
I m sorry. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love.
Yeah, but it s like they say, life goes on, it gets easier every day and blah, blah, blah. It s just some days it doesn t seem quite so easy
as others.
Especially maybe when you ve got someone new trying to step into your life?
Is that what you re trying to do? Ben asked, his throat tightening. He picked up his cup and took a swallow of tea in an effort to clear
the lump in his throat.
I m afraid so, Mitch admitted as though mocking the inevitability of such a thing.
How can you even joke about this? Don t you see the problems this could cause?
What do think I was giving so much thought to this morning?
Mitch s answer pulled him up short. You were?
Of course. I love my career. I realize if word got out that I was having a serious relationship, or hell, any kind of a relationship with
another man, I could end up losing everything I ve worked for. I realize that, but I also realize that the possibility of forging a strong, steady,
loving relationship with someone I care for is worth the risk. Can I tell you why?
Again, swallowing the lump that kept reforming in his throat, Ben nodded.
I was born into a typical family. Mom, Dad, two kids, life in the suburbs. It was great and I took it for granted until I was nine and my
little sister was hit by a car. She was five years old.
Rocked by another shock, Ben reached out and folded his hand over Mitch s where it rested on the table. Mitch turned his hand over
until they were palm to palm and gripped Ben s in return.
My dad worked in an office somewhere doing I don t know what. He was just my dad, you know? At that age, I really didn t pay
much attention to that kind of thing. My mom worked the occasional temp job to bring in extra money. On the day Lizzie died, Mom hadn t
gone out to work. She d been home all day doing a lot of stuff around the house. I d just gotten home from school and was vegging in front of
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the television playing a video game. Dinner was in the oven, everything was normal.
On her way from the laundry room to take a basket of clean clothes upstairs, my mom asked me to keep an eye on Lizzie for a few
minutes. I said sure, not thinking too much about it. A couple of minutes later I heard the back screen door slam. I knew it had to be Lizzie,
but I was busy with my game. I kept delaying for just a few seconds and then a few seconds more until I heard the squeal of brakes and this
awful thump out on the street in front of the house.
Oh no.
Even though he d known it was coming, it was all Ben could do not to blurt out that pained denial. Suddenly assailed by the image of
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